Saturday, February 4, 2012

Dear Love, WHYYYY?!?!

 I'm serious! Really?! Really, love?! Is this where we are? In this sad little place! I had a very realistic, come to Jesus meeting with myself this morning. It was as if I had an epiphany while washing my face....

 I think divorce, and a very HORRIBLE 3 year roller coaster of (NOT) love, have made me a commitment-phobe. There I said it. Okay. Well maybe I've always known that, and I just didn't want to admit it. About a week ago, A guy I dated in the past, called me. He asked me to come over and said he wanted to talk. I'll fast forward to the good part. Basically, he said to me. "I was told, that you never took me serious, and you never put all of your eggs in one basket."   Crickets....tumbleweeds....."Well...yeah..that's true." Yes, that was me, I said that. I know, I know! But I was honest! What does he want from me?!?!

If I'm not in a serious, super serious relationship, then I should be dating. Right?! Don't answer, I'll do what I want. So I'm serial dating. I'm keeping my options open. I've let go of everyone from the past. Because...I need to move on from this sad little cell, that love locked me in. I've done enough time.

I've spent a lot of time, being afraid, being the runaway bride, and jumping ship, the minute that things get hard. Because for the past few years, I've pretended I was serious, when I really wasn't. So this time...I'm gonna put my all in it. Ouch. That really hurt to say that. I'm gonna give it my all. Nope, still hurts the second time.  Smh...this is gonna be soooo hard.

I don't know why Love has done this to me. I feel the sudden urge to really, get back on the horse, and be serious. Not just fake serious, but really serious. Imagine my serious face! Lol..Okay, no laughing. I'm serious!

DISCLAIMER: If you're reading this, and I told you I loved you in the past few years...well...I mean...ya know... ;-)


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